Another Month, Another Update

It has been a long month - a long month of waiting for another update from our attorney's office. The email usually arrives around the 24th of each month. When we didn't receive it on Monday, I woke up Tuesday anticipating its arrival. All day, I checked my phone expecting the email to arrive. When Clint arrived at our friends' house last night, he let me know that he had received it yesterday afternoon. Sadly, I didn't get it.

All month, I have been yearning for the opportunity to be a mom, envious of friends who have children or are expecting and overcome with all sorts of emotions. I have been discouraged by the adoption process, questioning our decisions and wishing for a glimmer of hope. Sadly, the news we received was not the news we wanted to hear.

Of the women considering us, we learned the following:

• Birth mom "J" selected another family, but is no longer returning phone calls.
• Birth mom "M" has chosen to raise her baby.
• Birth mom "R" has chosen to raise her baby.
• Birth mom "S" has chosen another family.

Of the 11 birth moms that our attorney's office met in the past month, 4 have changed their minds in regards to adoption, 1 was a scam and another was already connected. How does this happen?

I have spent the past 24 hours crying. Crying from the emptiness. Crying over the update we received. Crying over the lost opportunities. Today, I sat at my desk and cried. I spoke with both Clint and my mom and cried. I sat with a friend and cried. I, quite honestly, think I am out of tears.

I know that God has a plan for Clint and I. I know that there is a baby who is yet to be born that will need us, and we just don't know about him/her yet. I know that this process takes time. I know that I would not survive the coming days, months and potential years of waiting and wondering what will be without my husband, family and friends.

For now, all we can do is wait, pray and have faith in God's plan. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Life is Unpredictable

Life is unpredictable. When you are faced with too much and feel like you can't handle anymore, God sends a smile your way. Life is unpredictable and its not the situations you face that matter, but rather your reactions to them. Clint and I are learning how to react better. We are teaching each other how to see the glass half full. We are facing life's unpredictability together...

Since our last post (and its been awhile), our friends got married, we explored San Diego, a family friend passed away, our family came together to support each other during a stressful time (that's what family does) and we even received another adoption update. Life is unpredictable, but its all about how you react.

San Diego was beautiful. We had a wonderful time exploring the city, visiting with friends and seeing Brian and Elizabeth tie the knot. The wedding was beautiful and their love for each other was visible in every detail of the day. During our time in San Diego, we tried to see all the sites, but it wasn't really possible. We made it to Sea World and the Wild Animal Park, and enjoyed being tourists together.

When we arrived home, we found out that our dear friend, Marian, had passed away. She was a beautiful woman with a huge heart. Marian was a blessing to everyone she met and she will be truly misssed.

On to the news you have been waiting for....today we received an adoption update. Two birth mothers are considering us. One is due in December and the other is due in March. While there is a chance neither will work out, it is reassuring to know that each month we take one step closer to expanding our family.

Looking back while moving forward...

As we prepare for our trip this weekend to see our good friends get married, I look back to when Clint and I became husband and wife. We will soon be celebrating our 2nd anniversary, and it is amazing how quickly time passes.

Life changes so quickly. In just two short years, we have gotten married, changed jobs, attended school, moved into a new home, added a new puppy to our family and continued to grow in our relationships with God and each other. It's been a whirlwind, but, I must say that we have enjoyed every minute.

What will this year bring? It's possible that I could be typing single-handed while holding our baby this time next year? Only God knows.

We wish Brian and Elizabeth the best of luck and love as they begin this next chapter of their life together. The best has yet to come!

Projects, planning and preparation...

As you can see from Clint's blog post, this has been an exciting week at the Brown house. Beyond getting information from the attorney, Clint has been hard at work on projects around the house.

First we hired Nick to do the landscape in the front of the house, which I am EXTREMELY excited about. Nick and his crew spent a few days cleaning out the overgrown flowers beds, adding rock and making everything beautiful around the house.

Then, he and his fantastic friends started on our shed. The project has taken a little longer than he anticipated, but I am so proud of him and all the hard work he has put into building the shed. He has learned a lot over the past week about construction, and already has his mind set on his next project - our deck. Here are a few pictures as the shed has progressed.

Before

After

With the exciting news we received from the attorney's office, we started to question whether we should in fact start preparing around the house for our baby. Should we be decorating the nursery? Is it time to buy furniture? Where do we go from here?

As much as we would love to start doing all of these things, we need to take a step back and accept that the adoption is on God's time. While the letter from the attorney provided a glimmer of hope that we may come home with a baby sooner rather than later, it does not mean we need to jump the gun on everything else. We started this process with the intent to hold off on setting up a part of our home for the baby. We decided to let things take its course, and adjust when the time comes. We can buy what we need at a moments notice. We can decorate a nursery once the baby is here.

Rather than planning for what is to come, we need to prepare ourselves. We need to continue to grow in our relationship, prepare to be parents and celebrate our future together.

God has a plan for us, and we need to be open to whatever lies ahead. For now, we will focus on the many projects around the house, gatherings with friends and family and moments together before our family expands.

Have I mentioned that I love my husband? I most certainly do.

Our First Adoption update from Kirsh and Kirsh

Today we received our first update from the law firm that we are doing our private adoption through. The letter said that they sent out our letter to 1 birth mother this past month on June 21^st. This was a “surprise baby” situation, in which the birth mother delivered at the hospital, without having made an adoption plan. She ended up choosing another family to adopt her baby because of the similarities and things they had in common. When I first read this, I was worried about how Jennifer would react to this. I was of course disappointed that they didn’t chose us, but when I spoke to Jennifer, she said.. there were some other great things in the letter. Those were the statistics which I totally didn’t read all the way. Here is what it said.

Statistics

60 adoptions to date

7 Caucasian adoptions last month

4 birth moms changed their mind last month

11 birth mothers were met last month: 6 being Caucasian infants

Kirsh and Kirsh Directed Statistics

Total on Direct Approach: 90

Current Position: 78

Couples matched ahead: 53

Couples waiting ahead: 24

Jennifer pointed out to me that they are moving along and that we have moved up the list 6 people since we signed on with them.. Plus the fact that 53 couples ahead of us have already been matched and only 24 couples ahead of us are waiting. She told me that it was disappointing that the birth mother didn’t pick us, but she’s trying to accept that it wasn’t God’s Plan. That totally hit me like a ton of bricks. I am so proud of her. I definitely need to keep that train of thought towards this whole process. I’ve been saying it, but until today I guess wasn’t really living it based on my reaction to the letter and not seeing the good in it.

I would like to thank my wife for being the example and seeing the positive in things. 24 ahead of us is great… plus the story of them having a birthmother coming to them at the hospital on Sunday and paired her up with an adoptive parent right away shows that we may not have any notice at all. As I’ve said before and now need to learn to live by it… It’s all in God’s Timing.

God Bless,

Clint

God's Timing

Lately I have had so many people around me affected by what the future holds including me. Questions like, "When will we be chosen? When will I work? How will I pay for my mortgage? Who is going to move? What school to go to? When will we get pregnant? How long do I have to wait? Why isn't God answering my prayers?" The Quick and easy answer is that it will happen in "God's timing, not ours." Of course no one wants to hear that. So what does it really mean when someone says "God's timing?" It’s easy to say it.. but is it really easy to live by it?

I once heard Tony Dungy say that “God’s timing is different than ours. Our society is instant and you want it now.. There is nothing wrong with it but many good things that come in life you are going to have to wait for and you are going to have to wait through some disappointments many times to get the real enjoyment and it’s something you wish you could take it from a bottle and say “Ok I got it now” but it comes from experience and many times you have to go through some hard things to develop that. It’s not something you should look down on, it’s something you should enjoy those hurdles that you have to overcome while you are developing that patience”

Patience is definitely hard and yes we do have to go through some hard times to appreciate the good things that God has planned for us. I do think it helps us get stronger, but It is so hard. We need to keep faith that God has everything under control.

If you are in a situation where you are waiting for God’s timing, know that God loves you and knows everything and has the right plan for every one of us, even if we don’t agree with it. I pray that you keep the faith In God’s plan.

Blessings,

Clint

Sometimes we all can use a gentle reminder...

As you have probably guessed from Clint's post, its official! We are finally on the active list with Kirsh & Kirsh, and couldn't be happier. This is the next step towards becoming parents, and now the waiting begins.

Although I am fully aware that God is in charge, we can all use gentle reminders every now and again. Last Friday, I got anxious (and controllish - if that is even a word) and pushed Clint to email K&K to find out what is next, when would our letter be online, etc. It was at that time that we received a gentle reminder that "this whole process is about managing expectations...time to have another glass of Wine." Managing expectations is harder than you could imagine, especially when it comes to something so life changing, but the recommendation of more wine could definitely help!

I take great comfort in the words we received from our friend on Saturday when she heard that we were now active: "God's Providence is guiding you to the little one meant - from the beginning of time - to be your child." What an awe inspiring thought!

The "Dear Birth Mother" letter is final and approved

After a week of edits and layout changes, our letter is finally approved and will soon be published on the Kirsh & Kirsh website. Thanks to Steve Kirsh and his son Josh for all the help given to make our letter special and unique. You will soon be able to view it at http://www.indianaadoption.com/ It will be under the "View families waiting to adopt" section. for now, I posted the .pdf version here on this blog. Click here to see it. Once we have the direct link we will post it on this blog. Thanks for all the prayers and best wishes. This is an exciting time and we look forward to what God has planned for us.

We did it!

We finally finished the Dear Birth Mother Letter, and words can't express what I am feeling right now. I knew I would feel relief. I knew I would feel excitement. I knew there would be a hint of fear. I knew I would feel accomplished. If only I had known how emotional this would be, maybe I would have prepared more. Honestly, though, how do you prepare more?

We sent it off to Steve, and, of course, the email bounced back. God truly is teaching me patience. Today we are closer than we were yesterday and tomorrow we will be closer than we are today.

I honestly can't wait until the day when we get to bring our baby (or babies) home. That day will make all of the waiting worth it.

I'm overwhelmed...

Happy Mother's Day! It is hard to believe that someday I, myself, will be a mother. The thought is overwhelming in so many ways.

When we started this process, I told myself that I wouldn't allow myself to get overwhelmed. This process is in God's hands, and I need to trust in him. I continually struggle with my "control freak" tendencies (I'm only human) and continue to pray for patience and acceptance of God's time because he is right, true and just.

There are only three things standing in the way of our family growing in numbers:

1. Our homestudy: We submitted everything to our social worker over four weeks ago and still haven't received the rough draft.

2. Our DBM (Dear Birth Mother Letter): We have been working on it for the past several weeks, but continue to struggle with finding the words to say how much this process means.

3. Being chosen: This could take days, weeks, months or years to happen.

Of these three things, the only thing I can control or take responsibility for is number 2. We need to finish our letter. We need to speak from our hearts. We need to speak to our unborn child.

We need to pray for God to give us the words and focus on what is within our reach.

It's been awhile...

I apologize for not posting in such a long time. When we started this blog, I told myself that I would post on a regular basis. Obviously, life sometimes gets in the way.

Clint and I just returned from a fantastic trip to Orlando, Florida. We spent a total of 6 days there, and truly enjoyed ourselves. The reason behind the trip was to see our niece, Emily, compete in the World Cheerleading Competition, but, honestly, the vacation ended up being so much more than that. Clint and I were able to get away from the day-to-day routine and focus on each other.

It was amazing to think that the next time we are there will be with our own little boy or girl. The only souvenir we purchased was for our future child - a teddy bear and corresponding book about the bear's visit to Disney as well as a unisex, yellow onesie with Pooh and friends. Buying something for the baby we will one day have was such a special experience. We truly are looking forward to expanding our family.

Our life is changing...

Like the weather in Indiana, our life together changes without a moments notice. Within the past year, one or both of us has started school, graduated from school, changed jobs, moved, and now we are going to adopt!

Almost two months ago, we learned that I would not be able to get pregnant without the help of modern medicine. Rather than focusing on the sadness infertility can cause, we have chosen to embrace life and begin the process of domestic adoption. With this decision has come a new outlook on life and openness to God's plan.

A few weeks ago we retained an adoption attorney, and recently started our home study. Fran (the SW) was a hoot! I was so nervous about the home visit that I thought I was going to be sick, but Clint remained calm and tried to help me do the same - one of the many reasons why I love him. As usual, all of my worries were for nothing. The visit went great. We spent two hours with Fran discussing our families, relationships, desire for children and love of Notre Dame (she is a double domer!).

The next step was to complete all of the paperwork (and there is a lot of it), and we sent it off last Thursday. Now it’s up to Fran to compile it all and submit a "Dear Judge" letter to our lawyer approving us as adoptive parents. As she was preparing to leave, she said that she was planning on approving us for not one, but two little babies...because she has a feeling that we will adopt twins. Honestly, Clint and I never even considered that a possibility. This is all just so incredibly exciting!

Now that all of the paperwork is in, we need to finish our "Dear Birth Mother" letter. Aside from waiting, this is probably the hardest part of this process. This is our one and only chance to connect to the birth mother. I keep praying that God will help us find the right words to say and know that it is important to write from the heart. Our letter combined with Fran's will put us on the active adoption list.

It is hard to believe that sometime in the next 12 to 18 months we could become parents. How different will our lives be? What else does God have in store for us? What's next in the adoption process? We plan on writing about it here. Thank you for being part of our adoption journey.