All month, I have been yearning for the opportunity to be a mom, envious of friends who have children or are expecting and overcome with all sorts of emotions. I have been discouraged by the adoption process, questioning our decisions and wishing for a glimmer of hope. Sadly, the news we received was not the news we wanted to hear.
Of the women considering us, we learned the following:
- Birth mom "J" selected another family, but is no longer returning phone calls.
- Birth mom "M" has chosen to raise her baby.
- Birth mom "R" has chosen to raise her baby.
- Birth mom "S" has chosen another family.
Of the 11 birth moms that our attorney's office met in the past month, 4 have changed their minds in regards to adoption, 1 was a scam and another was already connected. How does this happen?
I have spent the past 24 hours crying. Crying from the emptiness. Crying over the update we received. Crying over the lost opportunities. Today, I sat at my desk and cried. I spoke with both Clint and my mom and cried. I sat with a friend and cried. I, quite honestly, think I am out of tears.
I know that God has a plan for Clint and I. I know that there is a baby who is yet to be born that will need us, and we just don't know about him/her yet. I know that this process takes time. I know that I would not survive the coming days, months and potential years of waiting and wondering what will be without my husband, family and friends.
For now, all we can do is wait, pray and have faith in God's plan. Tomorrow will be a better day.
